Darkness Is My Only Friend

On Tuesday morning, I witnessed a truly horrific car crash. The day before that, I was told separate stories about 2 sick children and 3 hospitalized parents. And for the past 3 weeks, I’ve been meditating on studying Psalm 88, the saddest prayer in the whole Bible, in preparation for Bible Study next week.

1 O Lord, God of my salvation,
   I cry out to you by day.
   I come to you at night.
2 Now hear my prayer;
   listen to my cry.
3 For my life is full of troubles,
   and death draws near.
4 I am as good as dead,
   like a strong man with no strength left.

5 They have left me among the dead,
   and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
   cut off from your care.
6 You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
   into the darkest depths.
7 Your anger weighs me down;
   wave after wave you have engulfed me.


Suddenly, the flooding thoughts of marriages in distress, the passing of family members, the unmet expectations of parenting, the ongoing battles of friends and family are all filling my mind. It is here where I am met with the final, discomforting line of Psalm 88, “darkness is my only friend,” (v.18). And this week, these same words will confront the men, women, and students of Mosaic as they travel down the spiraling staircase of darkness that is Psalm 88.

Now, any reasonable person would respond to my question with another question, “Why did you even pick Psalm 88? Aren’t there like 149 other Psalms to choose from? Couldn’t you have just done Psalm 23 ten times in a row?”

Short answer: no.

I will grant you, though, that the mere existence of Psalm 88 does beg the question, “What are we to do with it?” If God’s Word really is perfect, useful, and transformative, how are we meant to handle such unbridled sadness, such hopeless despair?

We already know that the Bible is full of stories of people who suffer (Joseph, Moses, Job, Jeremiah, the entire nation of Israel, and more), but those are just stories, right? We remember that Jesus, the one to whom the most complete form of suffering will be laid upon, says that “in this world you will have trouble…” (John 16:33), but that’s just an expression, right?

Again, no. There are not just stories, they are your story. Suffering is not just an expression, it is par for the course for all humanity in this broken world. As Wisdom Literature, the Psalms are aimed at making you wise, namely, in your inner life. Because one-third of all Psalms are prayers of lament, it should be clear to us that God wants us to consider how we might walk faithfully and wisely through the various trials and sufferings we will have in this life.

The benefit to us is that the Psalms of Lament tend to follow a four-part pattern that can help guide us to wisely praying prayers of pain that lead to trust. Here is that pattern below with Psalm 13 as a clear example:

1. Address God in prayer → 13:1 → To come to God in prayer is to acknowledge your weakness and His ability to supply you with what you need.
2. Make your complaint known to God → 13:1 → the emotional heart of prayer is an honest expression of your true pain and struggle - don’t distract, minimize, or shield it, just cast your actual anxieties upon the Lord, He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
3. Ask Boldly → 13:3 → Do you need rescue? Help? Is it clarity, peace, hope, or direction? Your God created the universe, He is far more capable than anything you imagine.
4. Turn to trust →  13:5 → Even the Psalmist of Psalm 88 acknowledges that regardless of darkness, God is still “God, of my salvation” - we must make an active decision to believe in who God is even if our circumstances don’t lend themselves to such trust.

For some of you, this Biblical pattern of praying through your life and emotions will open the door to the deepest faith you have ever had. I mean that sincerely. You will join faithful voices like Ananias or the unnamed woman of Mark 5 whose decision to trust in the Lord even in impossible circumstances made them truly great.

For some of you, this pattern only confirms just how deep and unrelieved your suffering is. You read that fourth point and scoff a little bit, “trust? I am supposed to trust”. If that is you, then your voice joins the voice of Heman the Ezrahite, the author of Psalm 88 whose crying voice has been ringing in the darkness since the days of “my youth” (Ps. 88:15). Your voice joins the blood-sweating Christ whose prayer that the cup of God’s wrath might pass from Him - that He might not have to be arrested, beaten, mocked, tortured, and killed upon the cross (Mark 14:36).

For was it not Christ who felt the full weight of abandonment? Was it not Christ who willingly entered into the earth- covering, soul-crushing darkness on your behalf? Christ’s life could be described as a living lament of brokenness and sin, but in the end, His was a life in which the Father heard His cries and in so hearing defeated the enemies of Satan, sin, and death for you.

Your suffering may go on for some time, but Christ’s prophecy-fulfilling death and resurrection is proof that though you feel darkness, you will never know it, not fully. You will always have a God who bottles your tears (Ps. 56:8) and lifts your head (Ps 3:3) - pray to Him only, pray to Him honestly, pray to Him boldly, and trust in Him fully.

12 Beloved, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you. - 1 Peter 4:12-13, 19 NLT